Face to Face with Reality
It hit me over the weekend why long distance relationships typically don’t work out. It’s because if two people really want to be together, one person may have to take the giant leap by changing their life, packing their things, and moving to be with their other half.
This weekend I finally realized that my future is actually happening; I’m not just talking about it anymore, because the changes are already in motion. I was out having one of those “perfect” Albuquerque evenings: the company was fantastic, there was laughter, yummy food, and the weather was beyond delightful while we were eating outside. After dinner I went walking around to a few shops and then went to go hang out with some college friends. And that’s where I broke down.
I saw my best friend and almost instantly the tears started flowing onto her shoulder. I felt ashamed for crying during a period of time when I’m supposed to appear and be happy and I didn’t want people to think that I was sad about getting married, because I’m absolutely not. I meekly asked her if I’m allowed to be sad every once in awhile despite being overwhelmingly happy and excited.
She pulled me away from her, looked me in the eyes, and told me that I’m currently going through MAJOR life changes (job change, one major vacation, moving to a new state, change in marital status, etc.) and my reaction to all of this is more than normal. I already knew I was going through some major life changes that often cause stress, but sometimes it just takes a reminder that freaking out every once in awhile is completely normal.
I ended up not going to out to the bar with my friends later that night—which seems ironic since one of the reasons I was upset, because moving away means I won’t get to see/hang out with them—but I needed to go home. I needed a day to freak out and feel sorry for myself so that I’d be able to move on, at least for a few days.
On my way home I called Kenny and he told me he’d be more concerned if I wasn’t crying/sad/freaking out with all that’s going on, which just comforted me even more. Since I’ve been known to get sick over stress (IBS, anyone?), and have panic/anxiety attacks here and there, we both decided it would be good if I looked into taking yoga classes again to help with my stress levels.
That night I slept like a baby and woke up ready to face the world Albuquerque.
The rest of the weekend was spent tear free, and my mom and I worked on wedding stuff (we got to design my cake at the baker!), moving stuff (started packing my stuff and almost figured out how I’m getting to Georgia), and I stocked up on a plethora of green chile. What started out as a crazy, emotional day ended as a very productive weekend.
People have asked me why I’m leaving my 9 to 5 so early and why I’m not waiting to move to Georgia till after the wedding. Well, long story short, stress is the reason. I know my body and I know how it handles stress, so I need to do things over a period of time.
How do you deal with stress and major life changes?
I was in the same situation that you are right now, except I moved to be with my now fiancee before we were engaged. I'm incredibly close to my family, I knew that nothing would change in our family dynamic, yet when I finally set a date to move to Chicago, I pretty much was a mess the entire time. I cried for what I was giving up, but so excited about what I gain in return.
Its been almost two years since I moved. There are still the days I miss Albuquerque with every fiber in my body, but I have an amazing life here, and you'll have an amazing life in Atlanta. There's so many opportunities, and those days where you get home from work and climb into bed with your sweetie and just lay there, there's nothing better than that.
No matter how much planning you do, list making, whatever – you're still going to be stressed out over big life changes. I'm not going through a huge move, but as of tomorrow morning my husband's leaving for a 12 – 14 month deployment. Now, this wasn't spur of the moment, but I don't think there's any way to adequately prepare yourself for something that's a major upheaval – even if in your case it's a happy one. Because, happy or not, you're still leaving something behind. Hang in there!
Lets see…how do I deal with stress?
Ummm…well…I don't really know.
Is that sad?
I guess I vent to close friends/family, and of course, my blog. But other than that I just kind of bottle it all up and try to get everything done in the shortest amount of time possible. That probably isn't very healthy now that I think about it. But yoga wouldn't help me, I would just sit there thinking about all of the things I SHOULD be doing instead of yoga. Yes…it's a sickness I have….
We have discussed this before–and I tend to take on stress by making major life decisions at the drop of a hat, therefore increasing my stress even further. It's very sick and twisted and I feel like I should do things a big more gracefully, but I always feel like there will be time to freak out later…like from the grave.
Hang in there. I heart you!
Reading, writing, and shutting out the world. Haha! When I'm super stressed I will just pick a day and not answer my phone, go anywhere or do anything, but read or write.
You're doing an awesome job with all that's going on!
I know what you are going through is very hard, but marriage and finally being with the person you love most is wonderful. I usually deal with stress by crying. There's something about a good cry that just helps to ease those feelings.
Before I got married I was working and on a particular day it hit me that I was leaving my family and I started crying. It didn't help that kids notice *everything* and actually pointed it out, ugh.
So yes, I can relate!