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A Rant

I take a break from the afformentioned blogging hiatus to bring you something from Facebook.

A friend of mine mentioned that one of her friends was complaining about her boyfriends upcoming three-month deployment. She replied by saying she wish her hubby was only gone for three months instead of a year. Her friend took it the wrong way and got upset. 

Honestly, when I first read her update I also got upset and immediately defensive. My husband will be gone for three months, too, and while I know there’s a light at the end of this somewhat short tunnel, I can’t see it yet. I agree that it’s not fair some of our men and women deploy for shorter lengths than others, but gosh dammit – it’s hard on everyone!

A lot of people tell me, “Oh, it’s only three months, it’ll go by fast.” And you know what I want to do? I want to punch them and ask them to stop talking…even if they’ve gone through hundreds of deployments before. Because even if they’re trying to make me feel better, the reality is that they’re making me feel worse.

It makes me feel worse, because while this deployment should go by fast, I know there will be days and nights when I’ll throw myself a pity party by eating bags (oh yes, plural) of chips and watching How I Met Your Mother, praying the clock will tick faster so I can go to bed and hopefully sleep.

Yes, in retrospect—once it’s all over and he’s back here in my arms—three months will probably seem like a few short weeks, but to assume it’s going to fly by and be a walk in the park is a little much. A much better answer, I think, would be to say something like, “I’m so sorry. I know it’ll be really tough for you, but let’s hang out while he’s gone so I can get you out of the house and distract you.”

I’m sorry if I got a little heated, it’s just that deployments and TDYs, no matter how long or short they are, are really big deals. Maybe it’s because I’m still new to the game, but I wish people would stop making it seem like it’s a happy vacation, because in my opinion, it’s not.

End rant.

Now discuss…

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11 Comments

  1. I think it's only normal to get a little defensive on things like that. Hopefully, your three months will go by fast and you won't have too many of those plural bags of chip nights. Hang in there.

  2. Awww I am sorry Jess! I would be feeling very defensive/sensitive too even though my initial thought would be to say it would fly by too, only from my own experience! But everyone has different ways of dealing. I have some friends that just completely ignore that Ryan's even gone and that we can't talk. It's like HELLO!! But sometimes I don't know what I expect them to say, ya know? It's a hard thing that you only understand when you are in the position. I have to give the benefit of the doubt to someone who would say they wish their hubby was only gone 3 months since I'm sure they only had the best intentions, not to mention they are dealing with all the emotions of separation/deployment themselves.

    The military doesn't make anything easy!!!! : ( But we WILL all be here for you, I am sure you know that! And you will kick this deployment's butt. It won't be easy and I know you'll have some down days but you're strong and I would take it as a compliment if people think you will handle the deployment no problem! <3

  3. Thanks, Jamie. You made a really good point when you said this: ". I have to give the benefit of the doubt to someone who would say they wish their hubby was only gone 3 months since I'm sure they only had the best intentions, not to mention they are dealing with all the emotions of separation/deployment themselves."

    I'm sure it's hard on them when they find out another wife/girlfriend gets to see their husband/boyfriend a whole lot sooner than they do.

    Crazy deployments!

  4. I work on base and a guy from the Army started up a conversation with me. I told him how it was hard for me when my husband went to basic and Tech school and that I'm scared for him because he deploys for 6 months in November. The Army guy had the audacity to tell me that Airmen are "a bunch of P****** and if they were real men they would have joined the Army." Then he went on to say how he has to deploy for 18 months and Airmen are never in danger like the Army is. I couldn't believe what he was saying. I dont care if you are deployed for 1 month or 2 years it is still hard on the family and it is still dangerous whether you are in Iraq driving convoys or on the base. He made me want to cry 🙁

  5. Umm… weather you have 3 shitty months of being alone, or 12 shitty months of deployemt, YOU ARE STILL ALONE, and it still sucks, and no matter what you are affected. I have been lucky (compared to others) that Trav was only gone for 4 months (and to a non combat zone). But he was still gone. I still was alone. I feel for you girl, becuase it's never easy to have your partner, your best frined in life, away from you. (Granted I get a bit heated when a friend complaines about thier husbands 4 day business trip…)

  6. Deployments are hard, no matter the length!

    I do feel a bit bad about how happy I am P has a short deployment for our first one. Because there are so many others who deployed before us, and around the same time who still have so much time left to go.

    But the support I've gotten from everyone, including those whose husbands/boyfriends are still deployed is amazing.

  7. Any time away from your spouse is hard, especially in this line of work.

    My husband isnt deployed, but instead chose to finish out his enlistment doing a "geo. bach" tour — essentially, we still get BAH and the benefits of being married, but I live 2 hours away in our home with our daughter, and he stays on base in the barracks. We see each other on the weekends …

    I try not to complain because I know so many other people have it worse, with TDYs and deployments of any length. But there are some weeks when I think I'll never see the end, and see my husband! Having friends that make fun of you for feeling that way aren't good friends to be around. Especially during times like this!!

  8. While I don't think it's fair to say that a 3 month TDY is just as hard as a 15 month deployment – I also don't think it's fair to act like it's easy.
    I recently sent a facebook message to a friend to catch up and included a note at the bottom tellig her I hoped she wouldn't miss her husband too much when she left for her two week vacation (she had mentioned how hard it would be.) She wrote back almost apologetically explaining that she shouldn't complain when my husband is deployed for the year. I was embarrassed bc I would never want her to not express her feelings to me! I knew exactly what I was gettig into marrying a soldier and told her that no matter what time we spend away from our loved ones – a day a work, a weekend away, or months on the desert – it's hard and we miss them. I hope everyone can eventually understand that – there are no varying degrees of being sad or lonely, we ALL feel it and we ALL need support of friends!

  9. I think a lot of people just don't think before they speak. I have gotten a lot of, "will you miss your husband when he deploys?" Umm duh. lol I just think people need to learn to be more tactful and listen and not such spout out there mouths.

  10. I can totally understand. My husband never deployed, but he did go on a lot of TDYs when he was in the Air Force.

    Now, I realize that it's insensitive to bitch to wives of deployed airmen when your husband is only gone a few weeks at a time – but it still sucks! And I HATED when people tried to act as if I had no right to miss my husband.

    I was very blessed that my husband and never had to spend a lot of time apart, but it didn't make the time we did spend apart go any easier. It was boring, scary, depressing, and I shouldn't feel guilty for missing someone I love.

    Whether he's gone for five years, months, weeks, days or even minutes, I miss my husband when he's not around.

    It's sad how competitive military wives can be at times – especially when they're comparing who's life sucks the most.

  11. I can see both sides of the coin, here! As a new Army wife facing very likely two 12-month deployments in the next few yrs, I could understand being bitter hearing someone talk about a 3-month absence, though of course I understand this person on Facebook didn't intentionally try to hurt their friend.

    I don't think that I would really look at any deployment that likely, and my friends here locally wouldn't either. Right now we're all struggling with the crazy training schedule our husbands are on – that's having them gone for weeks at a time. These short weeks are driving us nuts – to the point that we're not sure how we're going to face their deployment later this summer! So I would never hold it against someone – being upset over a 3-month deployment.

    No matter how long they're gone, it's just as hard! 🙁

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