Hot Mess

Growing up, my dad would always correct me and my brother when we’d complain about sweating.

“Don’t say you’re sweating, say you’re perspiring,” he’d tell us. “People don’t sweat, they perspire.”

While I don’t know where he came up with that idea, because I’m living proof that people don’t just politely perspire or “glow.” Oh, no, I sweat. A lot. And whenever I tell people I sweat a lot they say something along the lines of, “oh yeah, I sweat a lot, too.”  But you guys don’t understand, I. sweat. a. lot. Like to the point where I don’t want to be in my own skin. (Classy, right?)

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I was sweating so much at my own wedding that my maid-of-honor went above and beyond her call of duty and took to blowing the sweat off me. I wish I could say I was kidding.

I’m trying to come to terms with the fact that within five minutes of simply standing outside in Georgia I’ll have beads of sweat streaming down my face—as opposed to the 10 minutes it would take in New Mexico’s dry heat.

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This was taken in the middle of July at an air show at Robins, AFB. Just before this picture was taken there was an “eeeeeewwwwww” moment that somehow made me fall in love with Kenny even more. I was sweating profusely and Kenny took off my sunglasses and wiped the sweat from my face WITH HIS OWN BARE HANDS—eeeewwww, right? Well for someone to want to touch me when I didn’t want to be in my own body? That’s love, folks. Gross and dirty love.

The humidity and heat have started to rise here, and I’m feeling the cruel effects. When I go for a 15 minute walk with my dog in the late afternoon I come home practically soaked—not from working out too hard, since I’m only walking, but from the dewy, sticky, wetness hanging in the air. It’s awful. And the worst part is that it’s not even summer yet, so it’s only going to get much, much worse. 

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This is me hot, sweaty, and very sunburnt.

But as I write this I feel a bit optimistic, because I’m going home to visit for a few weeks, and I get to leave this humid land for my comfortable—albeit, still hot—dry heat. The dry heat is a heat I can tollerate. I’ll still sweat (as you can see from the picture above), but I’ll at least be able to take a deep breath and not feel like I’m sucking in air from a sauna. The one thing I will miss, though, is the refridgerated air. Back in the dessert we get our air conditioning from a thing called a swamp cooler.

Does anyone else become a hot mess in the summer? And by “hot mess” I mean you don’t want to be anywhere than inside the comfort of your own home for fear of excessive sweating? (Wow, how attractive was this post?!)

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10 Comments

  1. Im originally from Maine, but thanks to the Marine Corps, we've been in North Carolina for a couple years now. We NEVER had heat and humidity like this –especially this early in the year!! Ugh.

  2. I'm a sweaty girl (I just refer to myself as a 'sweaty sweaty beast') too! What's really annoying is that in my ENTIRE LIFE I have never once seen a bead of sweat on my sister or my mom…it's not fair!! 🙂

  3. Hilarious! But I feel your paini – I have spent the past three years trying to find a deodorant/anti-perspirant that will withstand Georgia heat. I'm not sure if I've finally succeeded, but I do know that my body has adapted. Hope yours will too!

  4. I remember when my in-laws (from Missouri) came out for our wedding… they were like 'what are all the square boxes on everyons roof? We tried to explain the conecpt of the swamp cooler, and what a 'fun' job it was getting ready every summer (my mom has a picutre of me doing it with my dad the same day as prom, my hair was done, and I was swtiching out the pads.) My parents finally relented (mom's hot flahses helped push them that way), and got refrigeration air… the love it, and everyone loves coming to thier house because it's ice cold. They miss having the windows open though…

  5. OMG!!! I have been a hot mess my whole life and it's soooo embarrassing! I think its the one thing I would change about myself if I could. I HATE it, glad to hear I'm not alone though 🙂

  6. I pretty much only wear dark colors in the summer so you can't see the sweat circles under my arms the second I walk out the door!

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