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Disgusted

I’m having a hard time sleeping tonight because I’m disgusted and deeply saddened by the way some of our fellow milspouses reacted to one of our own yesterday around the blogosphere. I will not post a link to the particular blog I’m speaking about or mention any names, because I think the author of the post has had enough dirty, harsh, and horrible words thrown at her, and she doesn’t need any more. (Edit: I wrote this last night and forgot to post it this morning, but since then the entire site in mention has been taken down except for her apology.) 

Being a new wife is challenging, but when you marry a man in the military your life takes on an entire new meaning. Today I was ashamed and my heart was heavy as I watched fellow bloggers and friends bash a newlywed about to experience her first deployment.

“Loose lips sink ships.” We all know that catchy phrase, but I sincerely think some people take power into their own hands to determine when someone’s lips are a little too loose. The author of the blog made absolutely no mention of anything actually breaking OPSEC—she was simply blowing off steam and looking for a little encouragement and support from fellow milwives. Or maybe she was having one of those really crappy days and needed to vent.

But harsh judgment from readers overtook her post’s comments. Now before you start bashing me, I do think she could have used her words much more tactfully and she should have spent a little more time thinking about what she wanted to say, or she could have gone back to edit her post. OPSEC is something we all need to take extremely seriously, but I think there are better ways of approaching someone breaking OPSEC than being straight up mean.

The author quickly followed up with an apology post, to which I give her credit for not hiding and denying what she did was out of line. However, the comments to that post were just as foul and nasty.

When I married my airman five months ago I knew I was also marrying into an unbelievable support system. But yesterday that support system was shattered. She made a mistake and the last time I checked, we all make mistakes.

My hope is that she can find a support system to turn to that will help her get through this. In fact, I hope we all have an “offline” support system we can turn to in our times of need.

For those of you who read the posts and know what I’m talking about, what’s your take on the matter and who do you turn to for support? 

(And if anyone has a problem with this post, send me an email—I will delete comments written without tact. This was post was in no way saying she was right, but rather seeing it from a different point of view.)    

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14 Comments

  1. I agree with you, I was disappointed in the way that a lot of people responded to her. The one part that I was horribly offended by is when she said that if a terrorist read her blog and took action based information found in it that she would take responsibility. I'm sure she was just venting, but talking like that is not okay to me. I think a lot of people read that and got really upset and responded without taking a minute to calm down and write a response that wasn't colored by their immediate anger.

  2. @Just a Girl
    I agree, some of the things she said were completely out of line, but like you said: people responded with their emotions and not their minds. Perhaps she, too, let her emotions do the talking. It's just a shame it spiraled the way it did and brought out the worst in people.

  3. I know personally, I have made a support system in real life. Real people, I can meet in person and talk about things I can't blog about. I have fellow wives at the command.

    My blog, that's just for grins and creativity… and it worked out as a bonus that I found women who could support the other stuff I'm going through. Eating dinner alone, trainging the dogs by myself, killing bugs when he's gone… that kind of thing.

    I turn to both worlds for support, but in different ways.

  4. I read that blog too and couldn't believe she wrote that! Although I totally hear where you are coming from and I think you are very sweet and have a great heart. I personally have a wonderful 'real life' support system. I have awesome friends {some military wives and some not} that have really been there for me and have been super supportive! My family is awesome too, so I'm pretty lucky! I wish I had a little more supportive from his family while he is deployed but it's all good. I have plenty! =)

  5. I did post a comment on the girl's blog, but I feel like mine was one of the kinder comments that highlighted the fact that her casual attitude about OPSEC wasn't smart. I think I may have even said she needed to grow up. When we're young we think the world revolves around us, and we get mad when things "aren't fair." Unfortunately, military life isn't "fair" and we are held to a higher standard, but I can see where she was coming from. HOWEVER, I agree with you that some people take on a "holier than thou" attitude about what is and isn't okay to say in regard to OPSEC. Some people took it to the extreme yesterday, and they said some really horrible things. Looking back on my own person blog when my husband was deployed, I shared some things that were definitely in violation of OPSEC…but I didn't know any better. I was a fiancee…I was clueless. Knowing now what I didn't know then, I will do things differently next time around. (Wow, this is a long comment). Anyway, people need to lighten up and quit being the OPSEC police and taking OPSEC to the extreme. I share pictures of my husband, his name (gasp!!!), and I think that's okay. To each his/her own…but the name-calling and verbal abuse towards that wife yesterday was embarrassing. People need to realize that anyone can cuss someone out, but it takes a SMARTER PERSON to not use profanity to get the point across. Period. Great post!! 🙂

  6. I'm with you Jess. I think her posts sound very immature and more like a cry for attention, but I don't think she meant to cause anyone actual harm. She didn't post any sensitive information whatsoever that I noticed. Meanwhile the New York Times publishes 90,000 secret military records?! It blows me away women were more harsh towards that girl (she sounded very young) than the mainstream media!!! I've been really ticked about this myself since yesterday.

  7. I missed her post, so please take this response with a grain of salt, as I'm only responding to what you've mentioned here.

    It sounds like she said things she shouldn't have, but I immediately wondered if she knew any better. Did she know about OPSEC? I went from a military brat to a military spouse, and I'm thankful that I didn't go into my marriage completely blind as far as the military goes. But I know some wives who do. It sounds like her emotions got the best of her, and maybe she didn't fully understand that there's certain information that she can't share on her blog. I agree that readers definitely should have approached it differently rather than bombarding her with mean comments. If I did or said something wrong, I'd want my readers to correct me and educate me, not bash me! Reacting out of anger is never a good thing, as neither the giver nor the receiver benefits from it.

    My biggest support system is my family. My dad is a retired officer and my mom was an active duty spouse for 28 years. My husband and I are ALWAYS asking them questions, and they're always a source of comfort.

  8. Military life is hard, and even more so when you're young! I married my husband at 20 and he was 3 years into active duty BUT he had been a brat until he was 15 when his dad retired. Thankfully he was able to teach me everything I needed to know. Otherwise I would have been stuck up a river! And that's scary, especially in this current military environment.

    I have much compassion for this young woman. I have never read her blog but from what you and others have written, she sounded scared and frustrated. And she could have used a real-life shoulder to cry on. She made a mistake and was crucified for it. So, so sad.

    I am deeply grateful for my "pinch 'em, they're real" friends. Heaven knows they have been my saving grace at times. There's nothing like sitting across the picnic table from a true friend and fellow military wife and baring your heart. I wish those kind of amazing friends on this woman. And I hope that she finds someone to hug her neck really quick.

  9. lol, I apparently suck at blogger, I tried to fix something *shrug*

    I agree with you, all of it did go pretty far. It upset me to read her comments, just because it is scary when people disregard safety. But I don't think she deserved all of the cursing and now stalking. That's sad, to me, that people are now following her around the internet.

  10. I agree people's comments became out of hand. I hope when you talk of blog posts, mine was not one of which you had in mind.

    My frustrations are that the girl KNOWS OPSEC and doesn't care. She should have worded her post a lot differently if she was wanting a support system. It's hard to give someone support when they throw out there that they will "Take Responsibility" if a terrorist was to get information from her posts and something were to happen. So I understand the commenter's frustrations, although they should have handled themselves in a more adult manor.

    The girl has been married for over a year. She knows what she can and cannot say, she even said that in her post. She even said she didn't care. That struck a nerve with me.

    If you had read other posts in that blog by her, you would have been even more repulsed by her thoughts on Military standards and the lifestyle.

  11. I'm not going to down play the importance of OSPEC, but even having been married to my Soldier for four years and having been a soldier myself I'm still learning. So for others to automatically assume and judge what another person 'should' know after a year of marriage to a soldier seems to me to be immature. We should be helping educate each other about OSPEC and do it with kindness, because some of us didn't know what it was at all.

    As far as to the immaturity of her post, well I'm sure we've all had a day where perhaps we vented and said things we shouldn't have. We're human and its terrible that we would rip another one of our own apart for being human! We don't all have real life support systems, we're not all that lucky and so, sometimes we reach out to others the only way we know how. We learn from our mistakes and I'm pretty sure this poor girl will never forget this. I know I won't because I cannot believe for all the talk of us being this great support system for each other that we would be so abominable to another. It makes me sick, no matter the circumstances. As others have pointed at it takes a better person to wait and comment later when you're not so angry, courtesy is the best policy.

  12. @Christina…..I completely agree. To me, it wasn't a cry for help, or a simple mistake. It was a blatant disregard for OPSEC. It was her ATTITUDE that made her sound like she was above everyone else. I was disgusted with her attitude and her post, and I agree, equally disgusted with those who called her nasty names and said she was a bad wife.

    My concern is not that she posted OPSEC violations…..it's that she seemed to think she was above following OPSEC. I would have entirely different problems with her post if she was putting people in danger. She blatantly said she was giving OPSEC the finger and that she would take responsibility for anything that happened…..which is something she 100% cannot follow through on.

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