I realized I haven’t talked about my life on here in quite some time. Oh sure, I’ve answered honestly with my Friday Fill-Ins and I get a little personal with Five for Fridays, but besides that I’ve only talked about my cake decorating classes (I still need to share my last class with you!), the wedding, and this Bake-N-Blog party. What happened to this blog being my form of release and my escape?
I’m going to try getting back to the basics, because my intention was always to be “real” and share things with my family and friends back home so they can know how I am and what’s going on out here. I also want and need this online support system and network of people I can “lean” on. Basically, I need to write about the good and the bad.
This weekend was definitely a low point for me, but luckily my husband helped me out of it. (And for the record, everything I’m say here has been discussed with my husband. We don’t keep secrets and he knows exactly how I feel.) I also want to write about the bad stuff so people can know how the military can still interfere with our lives even when they’re not deployed or TDY. Just because they’re in the States doesn’t mean they have a 9-5 day job.
Sometimes I feel like I never see my husband. I thought—I really, truly believed—that when we got married I’d get to be with him more. Don’t get me wrong, I see him a a million times more now than when we were several states apart and I would never change the way things are for anything, but it seems like there’s always some military thing that comes up and steals him away from me.
This past weekend he had to work night shifts, which absolutely threw our schedules completely off. And prior to the night-shift schedule he was staying up till midnight working on finishing papers for his master’s class. Then before that week he was in Tucson, and then he was deployed….. I know this is the life we picked, but it really sucks sometimes and it’d be nice to be able to complain about crappy schedules and missing your husband without having people tell you “welcome to the BLANK.”
This weekend I lost it and totally went to crazy town. I’m talking about uncontrollable sobbing and moping around. I was having a self-proclaimed pity party for one and even though I had several offers from friends to come over and keep me company, I just wanted to keep my misery to myself. I know now that there were several factors to blame for this (hormones, a raging 48-hour headache that also caused nausea, being extremely homesick, not seeing my husband, not knowing if I’d be eating alone again, tiptoeing around the house when my husband was home sleeping during the day, etc.), but feeling like crap felt better than pretending to be happy.
I don’t really have a great ending to this post except to say that today I’m fine. My headache disappeared yesterday, my husband held me and let me vent and cry in his arms, and his schedule is back to normal today.
I’ve had several friends tell me that this is one of the hardest things to get used to during the first year of a military marriage and I can see that now. I’m taking each day as it comes and I’m not going to let things fester inside anymore.
I’m also going to use this blog as more of an outlet in the future and get back down to the basics. There will still be plenty of wedding and cupcake talk, though, because that’s part of who I am. But there will also be more marriage and life talk.
This blog has been around for more than five years, and back then, when it was just my mom reading it (hi Mama!), I didn’t worry about followers, stats, or how many posts I’ve published. I just wrote, because I liked to write. So that, my friends, is what I’m going to do on here. I’m going to write.
Thanks for reading my novel and if I end up losing some of my readers, so be it! And for those of you who are sticking around, thank you.