Back to Basics

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I realized I haven’t talked about my life on here in quite some time. Oh sure, I’ve answered honestly with my Friday Fill-Ins and I get a little personal with Five for Fridays, but besides that I’ve only talked about my cake decorating classes (I still need to share my last class with you!), the wedding, and this Bake-N-Blog party. What happened to this blog being my form of release and my escape?

I’m going to try getting back to the basics, because my intention was always to be “real” and share things with my family and friends back home so they can know how I am and what’s going on out here. I also want and need this online support system and network of people I can “lean” on. Basically, I need to write about the good and the bad.

This weekend was definitely a low point for me, but luckily my husband helped me out of it. (And for the record, everything I’m say here has been discussed with my husband. We don’t keep secrets and he knows exactly how I feel.) I also want to write about the bad stuff so people can know how the military can still interfere with our lives even when they’re not deployed or TDY. Just because they’re in the States doesn’t mean they have a 9-5 day job.

Sometimes I feel like I never see my husband. I thought—I really, truly believed—that when we got married I’d get to be with him more. Don’t get me wrong, I see him a a million times more now than when we were several states apart and I would never change the way things are for anything, but it seems like there’s always some military thing that comes up and steals him away from me.

This past weekend he had to work night shifts, which absolutely threw our schedules completely off. And prior to the night-shift schedule he was staying up till midnight working on finishing papers for his master’s class. Then before that week he was in Tucson, and then he was deployed….. I know this is the life we picked, but it really sucks sometimes and it’d be nice to be able to complain about crappy schedules and missing your husband without having people tell you “welcome to the BLANK.”

This weekend I lost it and totally went to crazy town. I’m talking about uncontrollable sobbing and moping around. I was having a self-proclaimed pity party for one and even though I had several offers from friends to come over and keep me company, I just wanted to keep my misery to myself. I know now that there were several factors to blame for this (hormones, a raging 48-hour headache that also caused nausea, being extremely homesick, not seeing my husband, not knowing if I’d be eating alone again, tiptoeing around the house when my husband was home sleeping during the day, etc.), but feeling like crap felt better than pretending to be happy.

I don’t really have a great ending to this post except to say that today I’m fine. My headache disappeared yesterday, my husband held me and let me vent and cry in his arms, and his schedule is back to normal today. 

I’ve had several friends tell me that this is one of the hardest things to get used to during the first year of a military marriage and I can see that now. I’m taking each day as it comes and I’m not going to let things fester inside anymore.

I’m also going to use this blog as more of an outlet in the future and get back down to the basics. There will still be plenty of wedding and cupcake talk, though, because that’s part of who I am. But there will also be more marriage and life talk.

This blog has been around for more than five years, and back then, when it was just my mom reading it (hi Mama!), I didn’t worry about followers, stats, or how many posts I’ve published. I just wrote, because I liked to write. So that, my friends, is what I’m going to do on here. I’m going to write.

Thanks for reading my novel and if I end up losing some of my readers, so be it! And for those of you who are sticking around, thank you. 

14 Comments

  1. What would we do without our Mama's reading our blogs. LOL…thuogh mine doesn't follow me she refers to things I've said in a post…sneaky things those mama's

  2. LOL my mom is always meddling! back in the day when I was High Heels & Combat Boots she was FOREVER checking in! I saw her on the feedjit every three seconds 🙂
    Military life is exciting, but not THAT exciting. LOL!

  3. Aww, I totally understand! Military spouse here as well, and my husband switched shifts for the past two weeks to nights. I work all week and then, like you, did a lot of nothing over the weekend so I wouldn't wake him. I got him back Sunday night, tired as he was, and now he is TDY. Oy, vey.

    All of my whining here is to say that I know it sucks and I am sorry that others have to deal with it, too. Hang in there. I am glad your husband let you get things out, as I am sure it helped some. Wine always helps me 🙂

  4. Aww that is cute that your mom reads your blog! 🙂 I am glad you are feeling better now, I no what it is like to have ups and downs. Have a great week!

  5. I'm glad Kenny is back to his regular shift this week! I hope it stays that way for awhile so you can enjoy each other.

    You are fully entitled to having a weekend of pity partying but I'm glad you're feeling better! Wishing you a much better week than last! 🙂

  6. i like this idea better anyway!! yay!! not that i don't mind the formatted blogs, but one of the reasons i love following blogs is because you get to read about life…the good, the bad, and the ugly.
    I am sticking around, don't worry:-)

  7. I could care less how many people follow me, sure, when the number grows it's AWESOME… but I definitely blog for me- and people read it. People will still read if you blog for you! The getting to know you Sunday thing that goes around had a quesiton about what brings you back to the blogs you read regularly, and most people answered because they're real!

    On a seperate not: the people who say 'welcome to the ______" are people who breakdown too, but in my experience are seasoned spouses who forget what it felt like that first year… heck those first couple of years! I'm so sorry you're having a tough time, but I'll be sending hugs your way!

  8. I agree with Ashley – sometimes you just need to have a pity party, but I wish I could be there to share it with you!

    When I win the lottery, I'm going to set aside some money so whenever you are having a pity party I can fly out and party with you!

    I love reminiscing about the wedding and hearing about the military, but I agree with Radiant Redhead, writing about your thoughts and feeling was one of the reasons you started blogging, and I think you do a great job of it!

    Glad you are feeling better today!

    Love you!

  9. I am telling you 7 years in to being a Military wife, I sometimes still get a bit agitated with the schedule changing all the time.

    I am glad things are better today.

    -Jusika

  10. Oh sweetie, I completely feel for you. I think this is so normal. My husband isn't even in the military and we go through really rough patches when we're working opposite schedules, traveling a lot, etc. that really puts a strain on quality "us" time. I throw myself little pity parties too! That's just a girl thing, I think. Writing about it is a great way to express yourself and your feelings. We're all here for you to give you a virtual shoulder to cry on. The blogging community is so amazing. We'll be here until it gets better (and I promise it will!).

  11. I think it's great that you are finding a way back to your origins. I'll stick around and read it! And yes…this is what being a military spouse is all about but it is still hard. ((hugs))

  12. LOL my mom refuses to read my blog. She says it's embarrassing.

    Also… I have a friend who was sharing with me the same type of issues except her hubby is a resident and she's a stay at home mom to 3 year old twins and an 8 month old. And she said the same thing… "this is the life we chose." I think it's good to think of that as a reminder that you chose it for a reason… passion, stability, duty, etc. Kind of like when I fight with B I think of why I married him and the stupid crap fades away from our fight!

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