Cancer Sucks.

“It’s back.”

Those two words were all my mom needed to whisper over the phone, because in that instant—that single breath that it took her to muster that phrase— my entire world stopped turning. Again.

My dad has been cancer free for more than a decade. I remember the day he was first diagnosed like it was yesterday. I remember seeing him for the first time, stepping off the airplane when he was in the middle of chemo—bald head, missing eyebrows, and all; and I remember that joyful day when we got the official word that he was in remission.

But today, eleven years, two months, and fifteen days later, his cancer is back. This time it’s in his liver, lymph nodes, and a few other places.

Cancer sucks. You may have to fight a battle more than once to beat it. Margaret Thatcher

His doctors are shocked. We’re shocked. I mean, of course there’s always a stupid chance it could come back, but having it rear its ugly head now, 10 years down the line, just seems like a cruel joke. Right now he’s getting poked, prodded, and pinned, as they try to figure out what type of cancer it is and where it’s coming from, so they can get a prognosis.

He’s going to fight it again—he has to fight it again; he will fight it again—but it’s going to be hard, much harder this time. I know how much of a toll it took  on him the first time, and it’s going to be a bitch the second time around. But he can do it. He’s overcome so much, that we know he can beat this.

As for me, my stomach will be in knots, and I’m officially holding my breath, and constantly sending prayers up until I hear that they’ve killed every single last stupid cell again. I may only be two states away from my family right now, but it feels like I’m half a world away again. The fact that I can’t be there to help my mom and brother makes my heart ache.

*Written on July 20

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11 Comments

  1. Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry. I am praying for strength for you and your family and for the doctors’ wisdom too.

  2. Jessica, I am so sorry this is happening again! My grandfather had leukemia twice, and it was the most difficult thing my family has gone through together. I was really close to him, and it definitely was not fair! I pray your father makes it through this and conquers cancers booty again!

  3. I’m so sorry! It’s so hard and heart-wrenching to hear that the cancer is back, especially after the first round as you know what the fight entails. I will be keep you and your family in my prayers!

  4. My heart broke for you when you posted on facebook the other day… know that I am keeping your dad in my thoughts and prayers, sweet friend.

    1. Thank you; you may be hearing from me sooner than later. This morning I actually read all of the posts you wrote about your mom (I think I got all of them). Cancer SUCKS!!!!

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