When the Vasectomy Actually Works
I know we’ve probably all heard the stories about the sister of a friend’s cousin whose husband went in for a vasectomy, and they celebrated that night with a little fun time, only to find out (6-8 weeks later) that the procedure didn’t actually work, and SURPRISE! they’re having another baby.
(Don’t worry…this isn’t that kind of post.)
That story, or rather, the stories I’ve heard left me completely anxious in the days, weeks, and months after my husband got snipped. He did it back in November, after extensive discussion on whether we wanted to continue growing our family.
Our answer, we decided together, was no. I didn’t want to go through another nine+ months pregnant, plus, babies are expensive, and a family of five suited us pretty well. If we want to expand our family in the future, we can always look into adoption.
And that was that.
He went in for the procedure, and it actually took us longer to find a place to park than it did for them to do their thing in there.
He had to go back to make sure it worked….only we’re procrastinators, so it took him four months before I finally figured out a way to make him serious about getting checked: I withheld sex.
I heard yet another tale of someone who thought they were in the clear, only to get knocked up out of the blue (because their vasectomy didn’t work). I did not want that to be us, so I told him no more sex until I’m sure we don’t have to be worried about more kids.
Go figure that it only took him two days to get in there after that. But then a surprising thing happened when he gave me the results.
The second I saw the words, “It worked; zero little swimmers left,” pop up on my phone, and I got super sad, and noticed I was crying instead of being happy.
Because just like that, a chapter in our story closed.
Of course it’s not the end of the world or our book, and I’m very excited for all the things in the “pros” category for our family being complete, but it’s just a little sad knowing we won’t produce any more awesome and adorable tiny humans.
This stage of life I’ve been in for the past 6 years has been so overwhelmingly distinctive and powerful. I’ve been either pregnant or nursing for that entire time. And as a stay-at-home mom, it’s literally been my life and what I do and know how to do.
Being able to “find” myself again—something I’ve been looking forward to—is actually here. For the first time in more than 2,000 days I’ll be able to start regulating my hormones again. No more pregnancies, no more births, no more cute and snuggly newborns, no more breastfeeding, no more birth control…no more excuses.
It’s time to start moving into a new stage of life, which is both exciting and, to be completely honest, it’s terrifying. I know the baby stage almost like the back for my hand now. I know how to deal with sleepless nights and early mornings. What I don’t know is what comes next. This next stage, this next season is completely unknown.
So here’s to ending one chapter while taking a peek at the next, because taking each day as it comes is really all we as parents can do.
What emotions did you feel when you found out the vasectomy actually worked? I was totally expecting happiness, but instead I felt the weight from the finality of our decision.
*Photos courtesy of the fabulous Chrissy Walther Photography
I was so happy when my husband got his done. He did it when #3 was about 1 and now he is 7. It’s been good. We have been really able to focus on raising these boys vs worrying I might be pregnant. I also was never comfortable on regular birth control and I knew that since we were done, not getting something permanent would just be so frustrating.
I think I’m almost back to the being happy stage (like I was right after he actually got the vasectomy). I do love the idea of not having to worry about getting pregnant—something that’s been on my mind too much lately since i’m in that grey area with the mini pill and still nursing. And I really like the idea of seeing our family grow and focusing on us. It’ll be a different season for us for sure!
Ha! Yes, I actually had a similar reaction when Joe had his done in November, too! I actually cried while we waited for them to call him back. It was sad! I mean, we’d talked about it for over a year but for the baby phase to end…. It’s sad. We have talked about adoption, too, but there’s a lot of feelings knowing you can’t grow another baby. Even if you feel done.
YES to all of this…exactly!
This gives me all kinds of feelings. We have 2 right now and I think are going to be shooting for 4, but at 30 I can’t imagine never being in this phase of my life. I know when the time comes it will be so bittersweet and I am glad you shined a little light on the fact that it is ok to feel those feelings.
Always good when it works as planned!! We had the same done after two miscarriages and decided we couldn’t go through that anymore. So, we were happy to find out it worked too 🙂
What a beautiful family!
So I’m really happy to hear this kind of vasectomy story… because we are currently expecting baby number three — our last baby — and then my husband is getting snipped. I’m nervous for him but I also know that it’s way easier and safer for him than for me. So congratulations!!
We aren’t there yet – but I so appreciate your honesty and transparency here! Thank you so much for sharing your story!
I love your transparency! We are at that place where we think we’re done but not ready to make any permanent decisions–I can only imagine how I’ll feel closing that chapter, as you said. Praying you find peace in your decision and enjoy your sweet family a little extra tonight!
As the one who had the procedure done I will say it was one of the best decisions we made.
We knew we only wanted 1 child.
After getting the procedure done you have to wait a solid 6-8 weeks and be checked twice before unprotected sex with your partner.
The majority of vasectomies are successful. Many that fail are because the guy doesn’t, to quote my doctor, “clear the pipes,” of remaining active swimmers.
Once all that is said and done though and you’ve been cleared medically, the intimacy is incredible. No more interrupting the act, no more waiting nervously if she’s a litte late.
Every couple should consider it once they’re ready to be done with making babies.